


Love Pillows and Where to Find Them

by NervousAsexual



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Body Pillows, Everybody Embarrass Julian Bashir Day, I feel like Jadzia would be a Xena Warrior Princess Fangirl, Quark's only hobby is teasing Odo, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 13:56:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10720668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousAsexual/pseuds/NervousAsexual
Summary: Odo is called upon to referee an argument regarding traditional human love pillows. Quark can't resist butting in.





	Love Pillows and Where to Find Them

**Author's Note:**

> I sat up in bed at like two thirty in the morning with this idea and ran out to my car to get my notebook because my laptop was dead. Enjoy the fruits of my sleepy, sleepy labor.

"Why would we lie to you?" Dax was asking when Odo entered the bar. "Especially about something like this?"

Despite himself Odo slowed up, the better to hear. Dax and Dr. Bashir sat at the bar and Kira sat beside them, shaking her head. He observed that Quark, too, was lingering nearby. Whatever they were discussing was sure to be interesting.

"It's not that I think you're lying," Kira said. "It just seems strange to me that such a..." She seemed to consider her words carefully--unusual, for her. "...a specific custom would still be around after all this time."

"Get you a synthale?" Quark asked as Odo took a seat. Odo shook his head.

The three at the bar turned to look.

"Odo," Kira said, "back me up on this. Listen to this thing these two do and tell me if it sounds strange to you."

"There's nothing strange about it." Dr. Bashir looked to Odo. "Back on Earth, roughly the 20th century, people used to have what we called 'body pillows,' large pillows roughly the size of a human body. And some of them happened to have full body images of fictional characters or other folks on them."

One of Odo's eyebrows went up of its own accord. Kira pointed at him.

"See?" she asked. "He thinks it's weird too. I get if you were actually married to somebody, then you'd have to share your bed. Why would you get a great big pillow and pretend you have to share with somebody?"

"Well..." Dax exchanged a glance with Bashir. "Usually it's a person you'd want to spend time with if they were real and they were around."

"And that's not a very fair way of describing them," Bashir added. "What's the equivalent for Odo? Stuffing somebody into his bucket and trying to squeeze in with them?"

Indeed, Odo had considered this. Once or twice it had crossed his mind to stuff Quark face first into his pail, if only to shut him up for a moment. However, he imagined it would be difficult to then fit into his pail himself.

"Okay," Kira said. "How would you describe it?"

"It's for comfort," Bashir said immediately. "So the equivalent for you, Odo, would be setting the climate controls around your bucket to a comfortable temperature, or putting the bucket in a favorite corner before you started regenerating."

Everyone looked to Odo expectantly. Even Quark, looking smugly intrigued, looked up from polishing glasses.

Odo felt immensely unqualified to comment on this. "I understand that much. But why do these pillows have people on them?"

"Just images of people," Dax said quickly. "For instance, mine has the likeness of 20th century human actor Lucy Lawless on it."

This was not an actor with whom Odo was familiar. "And yours, doctor?"

Immediately Dr. Bashir's body language screamed alarm. "Hmm?" he asked, trying to appear nonchalant.

"The image on your pillow. Whose is it?"

"Yeah," said Kira. "Who is it you imagine is comforting you in the middle of the night?"

"I don't see why that's important."

"Humor us," said Dax.

Dr. Bashir flushed command red and mumbled something.

"What was that, doctor? I'm afraid I didn't hear you."

"It's Captain James T. Kirk," Bashir snapped.

Quark burst into gales of laughter.

"Stop laughing! It was what they had for sale at the Academy and I needed proper lumbar support."

"Oh no," Quark said, holding up his arms in surrender. "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at the coincidence. I have one of these character pillows too."

Even Odo had to smile at that.

"Yeah?" asked Dax. "I didn't know that. Who's it of?"

Quark looked from Dax to Bashir to Kira and finally his gaze fell upon Odo. He pointed to him dramatically. "It is of him."

The smile immediately fell from Odo's face. "Very funny, Quark."

"I'm serious." Quark looked around at them all. "My pillow is in the shape of Odo."

"And you, what?" Odo asked. "Stab it every night for luck before you go to sleep?"

"Mm-mm." Quark shook his head. "It just sleeps with me on my bed. Don't you believe me? Should I go get it?"

"Yes!" Kira shouted. She grinned at Dax and Bashir. "This I have to see."

"He has no such thing," Odo said as Quark raced from the bar. "He is teasing you."

"Teasing us?" Dax poked him in the shoulder. "Or teasing you?"

At that moment the doubt in Odo's mind became fully formed.

Prophet's pagh, what if Quark did have a body pillow made in his image? But that made no sense. Where would he get such a thing?

The tailor. This was exactly the thing that Cardassian menace would do. He would wring Garak's scaly neck the next time he saw him.

And why would Quark have this... this thing in the first place? Would he have ordered it made on the off-chance this exact conversation might play out? That seemed like playing a long game, even for Quark. The more logical answer was that...

Was that...

"You're looking a little pale, Odo," Dr. Bashir said. "Are you feeling okay?"

 He had no idea what to say, and yet it was small comfort when Quark raced back in, clutching to his chest a Ferengi-standard size pillow.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Quark said, coming to stand right in the midst of them all, "genderless grumpy puddles, I give you... the Odo body pillow!"

He held the pillow aloft and slowly revolved so they could take in its beauty.

There was silence for a moment.

"Er, Quark," Kira said at last. "Not to doubt you or anything, but that's just a regular pillow."

"Wrong." Quark brought the pillow down and hugged it up to his chest. "It's Odo shapeshifted into a regular pillow."

"Ah," said Odo. "I see."

He got to his feet, pushed in his bar stool, strode from the bar, and flung himself over the nearest railing to the Promenade.

"I thought you'd want to know!" Quark called after him.

**Author's Note:**

> There is a non-zero chance that at some point after arriving on DS9 Julian kitbashed his body pillow to make it look like Garak.


End file.
